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For Immediate Release
March 7, 2001

Contact:
E-mail: beryl@wolfenews.com

Beryl Wolfe
(207) 775-5115

Web Site: http://www.beach2beacon.org

Kids First Center Helps Kids Cope With Divorce

Much-needed agency is this year's beneficiary of the Peoples Beach to Beacon 10K Road Race

With more than 8,000 divorces a year, splitting up has become an all-too-common event in homes throughout Maine. But that doesn't make it any easier for the children.

Few events in a child's life are more traumatic. Children grieve a divorce or separation, while at the same time often get caught in the emotional crossfire between angry parents. The scars are slow to heal and sometimes don't.

The Kids First Center is working to change all that. Now in its fourth year, the center provides children with a safe haven to talk about their feelings and frustrations and help them cope.

The Kids First Center is founded on the premise that getting children to talk now will save them a lot of pain later on, said Peg Libby, the agency's executive director.

But that's not the only mission. Just as the name implies, Portland-based Kids First Center focuses on parents too, providing them with the tools necessary to put the needs of their children first during and after a divorce or separation. The Kids First Program, a co-parenting class, is offered in locations throughout Maine, from York
to Norway to Skowhegan to Belfast. For more information, call (207) 761-2709 or visit online at www.kidsfirstcenter.org.

"Even well intentioned, caring parents may not be aware of how their children are being scarred by the traumatic emotional effects of their separation and divorce," said Libby. "And neither the legal system nor the mental health system, when available or affordable, is equipped to provide divorcing parents with practical advice and information."

This year, the Kids First Center is the chosen beneficiary of the annual Peoples Beach to Beacon 10K Road Race to be held on Saturday, Aug. 4. The world-class race features 4,000 runners and more than 6,000 spectators who line the scenic course along Maine's rocky coast in Cape Elizabeth.

"We chose the Kids First Center because it provides such an overdue and valuable service to so many children in Maine," said Michael W. McNamara, president and CEO of Peoples Heritage Bank, a Maine-based bank with more than 60 branches throughout the state.

Each year, the bank, as part of its nationally recognized Peoples Promise: Shining the Light for Maine Youth program, chooses one youth organization to receive $30,000 in proceeds from the Peoples Beach to Beacon 10K Road Race. Last year, Turning Point Farm in New Gloucester was the race beneficiary.

"The Peoples Promise program is our way of supporting the youth of Maine. And we're very excited about the Kids First Center," said McNamara. "The center does a magnificent job helping ensure that the needs of children come first. We are grateful to do our part to assist this worthy cause."

For additional information or entry forms for this summer's race, persons may call (888) 480-6940 or log on to the Peoples Heritage Bank website at www.peoplesheritage.com.

With more than 8,000 couples all over Maine divorcing each year and countless other unmarried couples with children breaking up, hundreds and hundreds of the state's children are sharing similar feelings of heartache, anger or sadness. The children who suffer the most are those whose parents either unknowingly or unwittingly drag them into the middle of their conflicts. These children are prone to self-esteem issues, plummeting grades and aggressive behavior.

Studies also show that many children of divorce suffer emotional trauma long after their parents stop fighting and move on with their lives. Adult children of divorce have a higher incidence of alcohol abuse and as adolescents have trouble forming relationships, according to national studies.

"Divorce is such a part of our culture now that we as a society tend to minimize its effect on children," Libby said.

Founded as a partnership between Resources for Divorced Families and the Junior League of Portland Maine, Inc., the Kids First Center fills a much-needed gap in the social services available to children and parents. Each year, more than 6,000 Mainers - children, parents, professionals - use the range of services provided by the center, located at 222 St. John Street in Portland.

Through support groups for four different age groups, children are provided with a safe and neutral place to share their experiences and talk about what's happening to their families. Trained facilitators, who are mental help professionals, design activities that focus on helping children build self-confidence.

"If children feel strong, smart and powerful, they are more apt to cope in a healthy way with the changes that divorce brings," Libby said. "The kids really want to talk about their feelings, but often feel disloyal talking to one parent or the other. It's important for them to realize that theirs is not the only family going through this."

Other programs offered by the Kids First Center include:
- Kids First, a four-hour workshop designed to address parenting problems and to reduce the negative effects of divorce on children. The program focus is on the needs of children as family and marital roles undergo change.
- Next Step, a six-week group program for separating, divorcing and divorced parents. Parents share their experiences and learn healthy, effective ways to parent their children during a difficult time of family transition.
- Divorce and Moms and Divorce and Dads, separate programs covering subjects specific to moms and dads.
- Blending Families, a six-week course providing skills and advice for parents and stepparents.

The Kids First Center is also a resource for lawyers, family therapists, clergy and other professionals working with divorcing couples. The center provides training through workshops and conferences and offers a speaker's bureau.

Also, the Kids First Center houses the Stephane Yulita Resource Library, a lending library with books that pertain to issues of divorce and separation for parents, their children, and the professionals who work with these families. The library is the largest of its kind north of Boston.

"Kids show an amazing amount of resiliency," Libby said. "They can and do make it through divorce. But it's a process. And we are here to help them and to help parents see that they literally need to put their kids first."
# # #

(Editors/Reporters: The following two lists were made by children participating in support groups at the Kids First Center. Please feel free to use as part of any coverage you are considering. Thank you!)

In the Kids' Own Words

Rules for Adults about Divorce

* Don't put us in the middle.
* No yelling, insults or swearing in front of the kids. Yell outside if you have to.
* Don't be jealous if the child wants to spend more time with one parent.
* It's okay to like one parent for awhile - we still love you both. It can change over time.
* No hitting.
* Try to pay equal attention to the kids.
* Sometimes we feel crazy but we hide it.
* Allow some input from us on some decisions after the divorce.
* When you compete for me I feel like silly putty being stretched. Don't do it...I'll break eventually.
* No slamming doors or breaking furniture.
* Kids should be able to call or write the parent they are not living with.
* Don't take the kid without the other parent knowing.
* Don't take things from the house without permission.

What Your Kids Have to Say

* I want to know only the vague reasons for the divorce, not all the details.
* Be sure you tell kids that it's not their fault. We kids don't really believe that, but it helps to hear it anyway.
* It's never good to know how angry one parent is at the other. That just hurts.
* My brother and I were very angry, and we were not sure what we were angry at.
* Within three days, Mom moved out. I would have liked to have had more preparation for that.
* The experience, being caught in the middle like that, erased all my memories of what happened before, so that I have no real memories of any good times.
* Always keep siblings together. I am losing a parent. Don't make me lose my brother also.
* Don't tell me everything about the divorce negotiations. Only tell me things about how I relate to each parent.
* Don't tell your kids for the first time near a major holiday because that creates associations that will last a long time.

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